ok so...

yea... this blog is on life support and I'm thinking about pulling the plug...

I just don't have much interest in keeping it alive... maybe since I can still find things in the archives of my past which I'd rather not dwell on...

so I'm currently building a new blog... which I'll post the address here as soon as its ready :D

so come back next week... and hopefully I'll have it up...

until then... have a great weekend... I have to clean house (since my sister will be house sitting next weekend while we're in VEGAS baby!)

toodles...

my GAWD february is almost over...

yo...

just had to post that picture (I'm drinking it right now) and yes... the bottle is the only reason I bought the water... but I'll prob reuse it... so... its tasty and I'm recycling... hehe... anyway...

hi... how are you...

I'm better... after two months of INSANE headaches I FINALLY got the right meds (I'm hoping)... I saw a lame doctor who misdiagnosed me and gave me something that made the headaches WORSE...

now I've got severe hypertension headaches and am taking blood pressure meds (the lame doctor gave me something that made my blood pressure sky rocket) and midrin...

I'm feeling better... but I need to cut back the caffeine...

yea... so... I have to go to court today... to meet the ex... and sign divorce papers... only I'm kinda pissed cause he was supposed to do this with me in the beginning of january and now we won't be officially divorced until like september... which... GRRR...

we've been pretty civil with the whole thing... and as part of our division of assets... I agreed to return the diamond that was in my engagement ring... since it was a family heirloom (it was the diamond in his grandmothers engagement ring after all) and I NEVER had ANY intention of keeping that...

back in december I told him I would get it taken out of the setting and return it to him when we meet up to sign the papers...

on friday he sends me an email that says "no diamond... I do not sign"

yea... fuck you too asshole...

I was PISSED...

as you can imagine...

like I wanted to keep his FAMILIES diamond...

what an ass...

I ripped him a new one in an email... and he called back... all appologetic saying I took it in a manner that wasn't intended... um... how else does one take a statement like that...

jerkface...

I'm still mad about it... but I'm in a better place now... so I'm going to forgive him...

if we'd met up on friday... I probably would have punched him in the face... but you know... heat of the moment and all...

plus I'm REALLY pissed that I will still technically be his wife for another 6 months... why can't we just go to court and I can say "I hate you" and we can be done with it... the 6 month waiting period is in case of reconciliation or some other such bullshit...

grrrr...

yay mondays :

song of the moment: More Than A Feeling - Boston

Happy VD

Hope you have a nice Valentine's Day...

or as my friend likes to call it "Singles Awareness Day"

Don't do anything I wouldn't do...

(oh and WTF is up with this ARCTIC WIND)

Song of the Moment: There She Goes - The LA's

whats up buttercup...

just thought i'd check in... you know... say hi...

been busy at work... I'm only just now getting better... I think I've been sick since before xmas... which... no one should have to deal with that...

I've got two new bosses... here's to hoping that they're better than my old ones... without getting into it tooo much... one of them was just an all around bone smoker... sheriff douche bag if you will... and I felt like he was picking on me... and he basically screwed up my hours last year and cost me money and got me on warning... and grrr... he's no longer MY direct manager... so... YAY...

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we've been teaching Toby all kinds of tricks... he's so smart... it only takes him a day or two to get it... he knows sit... beg... shake paws... lay down... fancy dance... and we're in the middle of teaching him to crawl... he's sooo cute...

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I finally got my new 160 gig ipod classic up and running... only my computer is being a bitch for some reason and not putting on all my music and video on it when I sync up... gotta figure THAT out later... and it sucks cause almost all my cds are in storage and I only have a fraction on my computer... so if you... say... wanted to send some mp3s my way... it would be much appreciated... wink wink nudge nudge...

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OOH I just finished reading His Dark Materials Trilogy (The Golden Compass was book one) and I really enjoyed it... but I don't think there's a chance in hell that book two will be made... basically... james bond (whats his face...) plays a guy who want to finish the war that the angels started against god... the Golden Compass (the book... not the movie) ends with him MURDERING a 12 year old boy in order to get to another universe where he can build his army to take down heaven once and for all... oh and HE'S the good guy... and the journey his daughter Lyra must take to fullfill her destiny and save all life in existence...

the 1st movie (and book) was a little more stubtle in its "god must be destroyed" message... but yea... don't know how they could possibly veil THAT in the sequel...

the books are really fun though... I can totally see reading them to my own kids one day...

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kinda on that subject... you know how EVERYONE seems to be pregnant in Hollywood right now (or just popped out a kid)... is it just me... or heh... maybe it IS just me (tick tick tick) but I've been thinking about babies alot lately... not that I want one right NOW...

but you know... I'm just thinking about the future... I'm not OLD (28 natch)... but I remember I used to say I wanted to have a baby before I was 30... which is 2 years away... so I don't know about that goal...

but... I think I'd be a good mom... and my life is settling into something really great right now... I'm really happy... and maybe I'm just nesting heh... I dunno...

anyways... enough rambling...

I probably should get back to work... heh...

Song of the Moment: Lovefool - The Cardigans

That's No Moon...

Its not even Feb yet and I'm already down to my last sick day at the at&tizzle...

blah...

I have the flu... my mom has pneumonia... my family dog is dying...

its been great...

except not really...

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anyway... I've been trying to shake this cough for about a million years now... so I haven't been up to much else... sitting... sleeping... hacking up my lungs... the usual...

I finally watched Transformers though... Finger on the pulse of whats hot... I'm telling you...

so Our office is almost complete... we've been cleaning and putting furniture together for a while now... and it looks good... really good... we got a HUGE storage unit to hold all our extra crap... stuff we don't want to go through... extra furniture and all that... its kinda neat to have the extra space free in the apartment...

ooh and we're trying to figure out our vacation (we were supposed to go at xmas but everyone got the stomach flu... so we spent it throwing up instead of drinking on the beach) so the resort is paid for... we just have to pick the dates... and get better flights... cause Travelocity is a BITCH... they keep bumping our flights and charging us and emailing us AFTER to know about the changes...

anyway...

except for being sick... life is good...

Song of the moment: Got Your Money - ODB

Happy 2008

So I hope everyone had a nice holiday...

I was sick for most of it...

you don't wanna know... and I don't wanna talk about it...

I know haven't been posting on here much... probably due to a combination of things...

my being uber busy at work... the fact that I've been going through some personal stuff thats taken up most of my free time... and that I was awares that certain people who shall remain nameless were coming to this site and I didn't need them to know any specifics...

I don't know if anyone will ever know ALL the sorrid little details...

but... for those who don't know... here's pretty much whats been going on in my life for the last year (maybe even two years) that finally culminated in drastic action last spring...

Got married to my college sweetheart... shouldn't have...

andrew and I were GREAT together when everything was fun and games and we had no real responsibility and we didn't live together...

I KNEW I shouldn't have gone through with the wedding... in fact... the reason we got engaged was because I wanted to break up (at 5 years together) I was sick of the situation (he would tell people we were "just having fun" when asked about our future together) and he didn't want to loose me... so he asked me to marry him...

and like alot of dumb girls faced with being alone... or a big ol diamond ring... I picked the sparkly option...

did I mention I was being a DUMB girl...

wedding plans became my world for almost 2 years... and it just snow balled out of control...

by the time I wanted to get out... it was too late... and I didn't know HOW to put on the breaks...

I was resigned to try and make things work...

only things happened... the honeymoon... was... omg... first... his credit card was DECLINED so I had to drain my savings or else we had to go right back to the airport and LEAVE... I don't think I could ever forgive him for that... it was probably one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced... and so you can imagine... I was PISSED most of the trip...

plus... mr fun didn't want to do ANYTHING... he didn't want to swim with the dolphins... didn't want to snorkel... didn't want to parasale... he was a wet blanket...

why else do you go to the Caribbean and a luxury resort if you don't want to do any of the stuff that's kinda PART OF THE TRIP!!!

grrrrrrrrrrrr...

anyway... married life along with a REALLY STRESSFUL JOB did not mix well... I was soooo depressed... andrew would pass out on the couch after I cooked dinner (every fucking nite) and I never wanted to talk... I felt completely alone...

I started to drink... after work... with friends...

alot...

andrew and I were fighting ALL THE TIME...

I hated being with him... he never wanted to do anything that I wanted to do...

my work friends didn't like the way he treated me when he would join us...

I started to realize (before our 1st anniversary even) that I had made a huge mistake...

I wanted out... BAD...

when I told him... it was the hardest thing to do... and I was MEAN... I didn't intend to be... but once things started coming out... all the pent up feelings of isolation and how I blamed him came exploding out of me...

it boiled down to the fact that we had grown apart... and we just didn't want the same things anymore... our lives were not heading the same direction... and while we loved each other... we just didn't LIKE each other anymore...

we agreed to stay together until our lease was up... only that didn't work out so well... because an opportunity to move in with my best friend from work was too good to pass up...

so in Oct... we officially separated and I moved out... and now we're filing for divorce...

I kept Toby btw...

and the last couple of months have been beyond wonderful...

I have gotten involved with someone... and its nothing short of amazing... he's everything I ever wanted... and we're perfect together... andrew and I were always opposites... and it worked for us... for a while... but I would get sick of spending time with him... because we didn't always like the same things...

the new boyfriend is a complete 180...

we're soooo alike... and we have such a great time... it feels like we've been together forever...

and so... I've never been happier...

and even though its sad that my marriage didn't work... I'm not sad anymore...

I've moved on... and I am in a really great place now...

I'm looking forward to having a most excellent 2008...

with someone who I'm pretty sure is "the one" and I wish everyone else as much happiness and joy as I have now...

I've grown up alot in the past couple of years... since I started this site... I'd like to think for the better... and I've learned some hard lessons... but I really feel like I got a second chance at life and at love... and I'm not going to waste one second of it on petty things or placing blame...

it takes two people to break a relationship... and while I do have a little regret that I might have given up on me and andrew a little fast... life is too short to live in an unhappy and unhealthy marriage...

so... Happy New year everyone (I know I know... I'm a few days late) but I hope to post more now that I'm me again :)

song of the moment: (which is number 666 on my playlist HAHAHA) Morning Bell/Amnesiac by Radiohead

Duran Duran - Ordinary World

Came in from a rainy thursday on the avenue
Thought I heard you talking softly.
I turned on the lights, the tv and the radio
Still I can't escape the ghost of you

What has happened to it all?
Crazy, some'd say,
Where is the life that I recognize?
Gone away...

But I wont cry for yesterday, theres an ordinary world,
Somehow I have to find.
And as I try to make my way, to the ordinary world...
I will learn to survive.

Passion or coincidence once prompted you to say
Pride will tear us both apart
Well now prides gone out the window across the rooftops, run away,
Left me in the vacuum of my heart.

What is happening to me?
Crazy, some'd say,
Where is my friend when I need you most?
Gone away...

But I wont cry for yesterday, theres an ordinary world,
Somehow I have to find.
And as I try to make my way, to the ordinary world...
I will learn to survive.

Papers in the roadside tell of suffering and grief
Here today, forgot tomorrow
Ooh, here besides the news of holy war and holy need
Ours is just a little sorrow

And I wont cry for yesterday, theres an ordinary world,
Somehow I have to find.
And as I try to make my way, to the ordinary world...
I will learn to survive.

Every world, is my world... (I will learn to survive)
Any world, is my world ... (I will learn to survive)
Any world, is my world...
Every world is my world..

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Life is going good for me right now... things haven't been this good in a long time...

Christmas is coming and I've looking forward to spending it with my family...

I hope everyone is having a lovely holiday season... and hopefully I'll have more to say in a couple days...